Predicting someone’s death is not one of my best talents, but it is a talent.  This prediction is based on a major announcement and some simple facts.

One of my managers and my publicist called to inform me that The UFC had signed Kimbo Slice to appear in the next Ultimate Fighter series.   My prediction -  he won’t make it out alive.

Just some background.  I studied Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu under Pedro Sauer who received his black belt from Rickson Gracie who was taught by his father the late Helio Gracie.

Helio could still bring it at 91.  Jiu-Jitsu became a “foundation piece” in what is known as today’s Mixed Martial Arts.

Here are the reasons Slice will be off the show or in a body bag:

1- He is 35 years old (I don’t know if he live in a van down by the river)
2- He’s a street fighter – Put him in the fence and its over
3- He still has no ground game
4- He’s over confident – fighting a bunch of nobodies on YouTube can make the head swell.
5- He has poor footwork
6- Seth Petruzelli – Seth Destroys Slice on national television in 14 or so seconds

The signing of Slice was strictly a ratings move, Dana White, the President of the UFC has said “Slice would get murdered inside the UFC.”  If the president of the UFC knows a guys can’t cut it, why would he sign him?  Ratings!  Slice came out of no where to being an internet happening on YouTube.  He was filmed beating up unknowns in random back yards and became famous.  I became famous because of what is now known as the “Joke Heard Round The World Video.”  I know you’ve seen that video but just in case you’ve been in prison and missed it CLICK HERE.

I say he’ll be one of the first to lose.  Share your thoughts and predictions in the comments below.

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I got a little frustrated trying to twist my hand around to take a self portrait on my latest vacation using my Iphone.  I know, I’m vain.

The way i did it was to open my camera app, turn my phone upside down, press and hold down the shutter button, arrange the angle and then release the shutter button.  This method produced a blurry photo 70% of the time.  I don’t know if it was me or the suger free Red Bull but it was frustrating.

I’m leaving for San Francisco and I wanted to solve my self portrait problem. I know, we covered it, i’m vain.   I found an app that should have been added to the iphone 3G (i don’t have the 3GS, hearing lots of battery problems still) called FotoTimer.  This app solves the self portrait problem by taking a timed photo.

First, determine how much time you need, whether you want to take a sequence or not, turn your volume up, press the shutter and you’ll have 5,10,15 or 20 seconds to align your iphone and bam…… a photo thats not blurry.

When your sound is on, Foto Timer releases a sound that lets you know when your iphone is about to take the picture.  This allows me enough time to pose, hug old people or if necessary, kiss a baby.

If your struggling with the self portrait – FotoTimer Check it out here

Share what your using for your self portraits in the comments below.

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Yesterday I go to my favorite place to get caught up on the news.  The first news headline was a Michael Jackson story.  So was the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, ……. all told this site had 11 different stories about a dead guy all on the same day.

Why?

Why do you buy tabloids?  Why do you go to the movies? Why are you so curious about a dead guy, celebrities?

In 2007 I stood before a pack ball room on the top of the Hyatt Hotel in West Hollywood California on the Sunset stripe.  Right around 200 people come out to hear my message.  As a former professional speaker, my message was very simple and people paid me thousands of dollars to deliver that message.  I remember this event like it was yesterday.  The mood was low, the energy gone and the faces empty.  To me this was a collection of people who were looking for something and I knew the moment I looked into their eyes that they had lost their HOPE.

I believe that society has stolen your HOPE!

Your looking for something right now.  Laughter, more money, a better life, less stress, a better career, this list goes on forever because I’ve heard them all.  As a kid playing with your friends in the sandbox, you didn’t conscientiously say “when I grow up I want to grind out a commute to a job I can’t stand, in a professional workstation (cubicle) that’s so small I can’t fit my fat ass in it.  I further want to be under paid and under appreciated, I want to drink heavily because of the stress and ingest artificial substances to numb my emotional pain.  I want to make my boss look good and to be passed over for the big promotion.  I want to feel tired, empty, alone and since this is as good as it gets and god has abandoned me, I guess this all I can do.”  But deep down you want more out of life…………..and you’ve lost your hope so why even try?

Your entire life is psychology.  You do outward actions hoping to find inward answers – That’s Golden Write It Down.

Ask yourself this question?

Today create a list of the top 5 things you want to do or see before you die.  Now pick one and set a date when you will do it.  Tonight, tomorrow start working to make it happen and I promise you hope will return and you will start to dream, energy will return and your smile will return.

I know your shy so I’ll start by sharing two things I still need to do.

1- Amateur’s night at a comedy club – In process, writing material
2- Audition for a motion picture – Aug 30th 2011

If your brave enough and I don’t think you are, share one with the world in the comments below.

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If you haven’t taken a tour of Alcatraz, you should.  It’s a pretty cook place and I learned a few things I never new.  At the end of the tour something happened that most people never see.

The kid from the start of the video was like a stalker all week.

If you’ve been to Alcatraz or if you haven’t share your thoughts in the comments below.

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I have no clue who started it, I have no clue how it came about but Professional cyclist Floyd Landis and Professional basketball player Deron Williams of the Utah Jazz, decided to challenge each other at each others sports.

I took an interest in the cycling because of two things.

1- the following video.  The two people standing at the finish line are my Brother in law John and his daughter, my niece Blair.  John is a semi professional tri-athlete and business owner (Click Here) and Blair is a chemist who is on the verge of developing a cream that eliminates inner thigh friction heat fires.

Both came out to support the event but keep your on the Ouch team car as it approaches them.  Blair has to use her Silver Medalist gymnast skills to keep from being run over.     (be video patient)

2- After this race Floyd and Deron challenge Lance Armstrong and Shaq O’Neil to a race.

Here is what they need to do.  Pay per view the race.  The winner gets 60% of the revenues to be split between the winners charities.  The losers get the other 40% to split among their charities.  This way its competitive and everyone wins.

It’s my site so I’m going to do a little bragging………..

John and his sister Debbie do a lot of work with and for “Bikes For Kids.” (Click Here) Their motto is simple, “Every kid should have a bike.”  They do great work for our community and you should follow their every move at http://twitter.com/BforKUtah

Who is going to win Landis / Williams or Armstrong / O’Neil?  Share your race predictions in the comments below.

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I got back from vacation and as your aware a diet is really hard to follow on vacation but if you look at the numbers, I held my own.  GOOD NEWS….I put on a pair of pants that haven’t seen sunlight in 5 years.

Fat people are famous for saying “one day I’ll get my butt back in those” so they never throw them out.  I said the same thing but this time I was able to slide my ever thinning butt back into them.

Here are the weight loss totals by day
July 9 – 275.6
July 10 – 270.6
July 11 – 267.6
July 12 – 265.4
July 13 – 264.4
July 14 – 263.2
July 15 – 261.8
July 16 – 260.6
July 17 – 260.0
July 18 – 258.2
July 19 – 257.6
July 20 – 257.8
July 21 – 257.2
July 22 – 256.0
July 23 – 255.4
July 24 – 254.8
July 25 – 254.4

July 26 – Aug 2nd Vacation

Aug 3 – 255.4
Aug 4 – 255.2
Aug 5 – 255.0
Aug 6 – 254.4
Aug 7 – 254.4
Aug 8 – 253.6
Aug 9 – 254.8 Damn Burrito

Please share your thoughts and comments below.

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A few months ago I poured out my soul and announced to the world that I changed my blog name and added “I’ve bought all your stuff and I still suck at generating website traffic,” because it’s true.

I believe traffic is the name of the game and every website, blog and sales page are out to claim their piece of the world wide web, including yours truly.  I started this blog more for my own entertainment than anything else.  I still have no idea what makes a good blog.  lets face the facts.  I’m a retired seminar speaker who laughs at his own jokes more than my audiences did.  Even my kids, my manager, publicist, legal team and my body guard / rap partner JC-Mix-A-Lot know that.

[View with PicLens]

Over the last year of trying to figure out the internet marketing business, I have spent a fortune on my education.  I have a really super small list that are more concerned for my mental well being than actually buying my products and services but today I got my very first affiliate commission check.  Even though its a faction of my investment, it’s still my check.

Having an internet business is like playing golf.  You can spend all day poking around in the rough and sand and all it takes is one really good shot or check and soon your hear yourself saying “that’s enough to bring me back tomorrow to try again.”

Share your first affiliate commission story in the comments below.

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There is nothing like hooking a big fish.  Except a pretty woman, a great buffet, a fast car, a funny joke, a lay out sukahara with a half twist, the TV show Wipe Out, did I say a pretty woman already?  Ok, there are lots of cool things in this world but it’s still fun to jump in the jet boat and go chase some “bass boils.”

As you can see from the video, it’s even funnier watching my crew. “And the Oscar for best theatrics in a fishing movie goes to…….”   If you’ve got a fish story, share it in the comments below or just share your thoughts.

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Yesterday I went for a WOG across the Golden Gate Bridge.  The bridge is 72 years old and millions of people from around the world come to San Francisco every year to take in this awesome man / woman made wonder.  If you haven’t made it to the Golden Gate, I suggest you go and take your own WOG, its worth it.

Here is my WOG across the Golden Gate Bridge.  No one died during the filming but as you’ll see in the video a helicopter comes pretty close.

If you’ve been across the Golden Gate, share your story in the comments below.

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I guess we’ll never know how Michael Jackson has touched the world.  What we do know is that Michael Jackson has taught every generation how to touch themselves.

I saw this little man while waiting for the boat to come back from Alcatraz yesterday.  The kid knew how to work it.  I only caught the tail end of the show. He dances so fast I had to slow the frames down just to keep up.

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you “spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch” Michael Jackson style.

Please share your thoughts and comments below.

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Now go out there and start talking about me!