I’ve owned a business or two in my day. Some I’ve mastered and some I’ve been the absolute worst operater on the globe.

Throughout my successes and failers I’ve learned a couple of things about business.

1- Pick up the phone when ever possible.

2- Communicate with your customers.

I talked with Apple and AT&T yesterday, a call that I had to make both times about this whole MMS mess and I learned a couple of things.

AT&T’s “flawless” launch wasn’t so flawless. From the mouth of their own people, AT&T said that the 3G network failed 20 minutes after they launch their MMS last Friday. Customers with 3GS phones had MMS delays but not a total crash like the 3G owners.

AT&T decided not to tell those effected, they hoped they could resolve the problem before guys like me could make it global.

I’m not pissed that it failed, to be honest, I expected some sort of problem. What I’m pissed about is the lack of communication about what was going on. I was then left playing mind games with myself about whether or not I even signed up for unlimited texting or did I fail to pay my $145.00 per phone bill.

I know for a fact that if you will communicate with your customers they won’t leave you because you talked with them. In actuality, they will be more loyal because business communication is so rare.

You have to be honest though. You can’t say some items on back order when it isn’t.

Try a test, try picking up the phone whenever possible and communicating honestly with your customers, you’ll be suprised what happens.

Share your thoughts and comments in the area below.

Click on the “share this” link and forward this post to all you Twitter followers and facebook friends. Now subscribe to my RSS Chanel so you don’t miss anything.

Now go out there and start talking about me.

Look at the date and time of this text message. Look at the top of the photo it’s still sending.

It’s now been more than 24 hours after AT&T gave the MMS ok, myself and alot of others are still getting errors.

Here is a post from my friend Julie from The Gadgeteer.

Click here for her post

Share your thoughts and comments below.

Click on the “Share This” link and forward this to all of your followers, friends and family and please subscribe to my RSS Channel.
Now go out there and start talking about me.

Dear AT&T

It’s now 6:40 PM MST and I would like to thank you for providing me the MMS for my iPhone.

I was just curious if you can find it in your hearts to make the Damn thing work?

Every entry has “failed” and when I “try again,” it comes back “failed.”

For months I have tried to defend you while the masses were giddy about booooossssst mobile, I stood up for you and said “there service may cost $145.00 a month per phone but they’re worth it and when the MMS comes on line they will be even better. I was wrong.

The guy down the hall in my building came by to show me his MMS. He was even nice enough to try and give me a demo but you know what happened next.  Click Here For Details

Sincerely

Inmate #4789450

What kind of a day is it going to be?

Well, if your and iphone owner and you woke up to your MMS working, you’re probably going to have a pretty good day.  If your MMS is not working, then your going to need a Vodka Redbull to cope. Why, because some time in the next few minutes one of your friend or coworkers is going to invade your space inside your professional workstation and attempt to give you an MMS tutorial and the fact that theirs works and yours doesn’t is going to make you boil inside.

DAY DREAM…… Maybe I should show old bob here my brand new shoes and when he bends over to get a better look, I’ll drive my knee right threw the middle of his face.  Does that constitute a hostile work environment?  AND WE’RE BACK

AT&T said they expect “some glitches” and some of their customers will not have MMS for “a while.”

That would explain the Vodka Redbull; so the day dream doesn’t actually happen.

I wrote this a 8:00 PM on Sept 24, 2009.  In twelve hours I will be up and in front of my iphone to see if my MMS is working.  You wanna guess what the out come will be?

Share your thoughts and comments below.
Click on the “Share This” link and forward this to all of your followers, friends and family and please subscribe to my RSS Channel.
Now go out there and start talking about me.

About a month ago my Board of Realtors was kind enough to send me a letter informing me that “they” would be changing our lockbox and key system again.

For those keeping score at home this would be the second time in three years.  Myself and 4500 other realtors pay dues to our board and they in turn make stupid decisions that only benefit themselves.  It’s like paying your employees to keep their jobs only to have your employees kick you in the nuts every morning before you get to your desk.

In an era of financial woes, mortgage crisis and real estate market implosions; you’d think that the association that I prop up every month financially with of my dues payment would take better care of me.

That’s a thought for rational thinkers like you.  My board of realtors is not a rational thinking organization.  They are grossly arrogant creatures who waste my time and steal my money.

I am very comfortable fighting buyers and sellers, bankers, lawyers and title companies but I’m not comfortable fighting my own board of realtors.

These are mostly salaried people who have never spent a day grinding out cold calls or spent their last dime on an ad hoping to get that listing sold.  They’ve never thrown on the coveralls and pulled an all nighter painting an entire house.  They sit in cubicles and stare off into megapixel computer monitors hoping that 5:00 PM get here soon so they can waddle outside and climb into the car that I provide them and head home to their warm meals and LCD televisions.

At night when they’re alone with themselves and they close their eyes and the demons come, their pea shaped brain dreams of new ways to screw me out of more money.

The next time you buying with me and I get you 160K of instant equity take the time to rejoice, acknowledge my work, praise my name and let me enjoy my commission. The next time you sell with me and I get you market price for your crappy ass house with rotten wood, stupid floor plan, small lot, broken windows, terrible curb appeal and over grown landscaping, don’t nickel and dime me on my fees. Why?  Because most of what I earned goes to my board of Realtors.

My mother is a huge fan of dancing with the stars, I am not.

But the thought of Chuck Liddell in a silk shirt and ass tight pants was intriging enough to slink off to the man cave and fire up the TV.

The oufit didn’t disappoint. At the point I entered the show Chuck was sporting a red silk shirt and ass pants so tight he looked like he had two small hams shoved down the back of them.

Can he move? Sort of. He didn’t embarrass himself like Tom Delay did. Maybe all those hours in the cage with another man between his legs, pubic bone on public bone along with the accidental rubbing up against his opponents gennies made Chuck a better dancer than I expected.

Chuck didn’t cold cock the old guy Len like i secretly hoped and i did not see one of his “fighter” friends there in the audience supporting him. One things for sure “Chuck, you can dance if you want to but you’ll leave your friends behind. Cuz your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance ther’re no friends of mine.

I’d wish him luck but that would be a wasted wish. Donny Osmond will win from the guy side and based upon his theatrical skills, he should get at least an Emmy in the “you looked and sounded like an idiot when the judges gave you praise catagory.” Donny, just smile and say thank you. Don’t pump your fists and scream like a 5 year old. Your kids are watching and your gay lover.

Share your thoughts and comments below.

Click on the “Share This” link and forward this to all of your followers, friends and family and please subscribe to my RSS Channel.

Now go out there and start talking about me.

It’s been a long, long weird and bizarre week.  It’s been one of those weeks were it was better for me to shut my mouth then to say to some idiot, “here you non tolerant jackass, have yourself a can of shut the hell up.”  So I laid low, wrestled with my dog, posed for some photo’s at the old folks home and who knows why but I was asked to do a career training at the local elementary school which I did.  Please forward all therapy bills to the address on my contact us page

After a week like this it’s important to remember the two things in life that matter
1- breasts
2- humor

So on this Funny Friday I give you this.  One man’s attempt at kindness flipped around 180 degree’s.  Trust me you’ll relate.

Comments are the best so please share one of yours with me in the section below

Click on the “Share This” link and forward this to all of your followers, friends and family and please subscribe to my RSS Channel.

Now go out there and start talking about me.

I think we’ve been over this before – - – “I’m not a Racist, I’m a Judgementalist”  if your an idiot, your an idiot.  Race has nothing to do with it.

By now you’ve heard how Kanye West (idiot) took the mic from Taylor Swift last night at the MTV VMA’s and proclaimed Beyonce’s video was the best.  Saturday night Serena Williams (idiot) announced to the entire globe that she is going to shove a tennis ball up the lines woman’s F^&K*&G ass in the semi finals of the Woman US Open.

So here’s the questions “How many more months will it take for common courtesy to disappear from the face of the earth forever?” 1, 3, 5, 10?

What if the peacemakers of the world stopped cold and started tell it like it is?

What if my soft drink “Shut The Hell Up™ which is scheduled to launch in 2010 came out tomorrow.  Think about how conversations would go; “sounds to me like you could use a can of Shut The Hell Up™.  Your talking to that one family member that you can’t stand, the one you’ve been nice to for years and all of a sudden you say; “you know what? You deserve a whole case of Shut The Hell Up™.  Or, here’s a shot, mug, glass, platter, plate, bowl, stein of Shut The Hell Up™.  Think about all the time you would save by not having to listen to those worthless conversations about other peoples lives, kids, promotions, jobs, careers, wedding announcements, business plans, baby showers.

Don’t even think about praying and asking what would Jesus do?  I’m sure he is so tired of all the fighting, bickering, moaning and complaining that even he, the son of god, would love to say “here, have a sacrament cup full of Shut The Hell Up™.

Maybe it’s time WE stopped thinking about ourselves and started really caring about others.  If you don’t, it should come as no surprise next time you start talking about yourself to hear me say “hey, how about a can of Shut The Hell Up™.”

Click on the “Share This” link and forward this to all of your followers, friends and family and please subscribe to my RSS Channel.

Now go out there and start talking about me.

Today marks the 8th anniversary of the what us commoners refer to as 9/11.  8 years ago today I was sitting in my office when my partner Scott poked his head in.  “My wife just called and said that a plane had crashed into the world trade center.”

Months earlier someone smuggled a small TV into the building so we could watch March madness, now it was madness trying to find that TV so we could see what was really going on in the news.

I watched live as the plane hit the 2nd tower, somewhat comforted knowing I was 2,000 plus miles away and probably safe.

I don’t have permission to tell these stories with my friends names but I’m going to tell them anyway because they remind me that “life is a choice, enjoy it while you can.”

While I was sitting in my chair with my feet up watching the news and eating snack pack, a friend of mine had just kicked open the door to the roof of his office building in New York.  He sees a building down the street with a hole in it, black smoke and flames pouring out.  He’s aware of the crowd that has now gathered with him on the roof.  He hears the sirens, the people, the police, he looks around and thinks of his family.  It’s at this moment he realizes this is not accident, it’s an attack.  His office is directly across the street from the Empire State Building.  When he did the math in his head, it was clear he needed to vacate the roof immediately.  If the Empire state building was next he was certainly toast.  He called his wife and told her to call his married children and for everyone to meet in central park.

I asked him why the park and he said “there are no tall buildings in the park.”

While my one friend was scrabbling to gather his family, my other friends was having a personal nightmare.

His office was four blocks away from the world trade center.  When the first plane hit the first tower the noise was so loud he instantly know something was wrong.  Since he lived in New Jersey he thought it was in his best interest to vacate his building and head home.  He grabbed his briefcase and jacket and exited his personal workstation called a cubicle.  He was immediately created by his supervisor who said “where are you going?  You haven’t been excused.”  Not wanting to cause waves he returned to his cube to “wait it out.”

He attempted to leave two other times only to be greeted by the supervisor who insisted that all would be well and that he needed to stay in his cube.

I asked him why he stayed and he said that he didn’t want to lose his job.

By now ash and smoke had filled most of the financial district.  He could see people running down the streets trying to get away from that area as fast as they could.

Your life or your job?
He chose his life.  By the time he gets to the street there is no transportation and most of the access to and from Manhattan had been closed.

To make a long story short, he walked back to Jersey and once in New Jersey the state police were quarantining everyone who had made it across the river because of possible chemical warfare.  I won’t tell you his exact phrase but to summarize it went something like “Oh hell no.” With the huge crowds and limited state police he was able to jump a fence and walk home.
There was no phone service all day, his family had kissed him good bye in the morning and hadn’t heard from him all day.  They knew his office location and had expected the worst.  At 10:45 PM EST he, covered in ash, soot and smoke, with suit torn, feet hurting and hungry as hell, he knocks on his own door.

His Quote – - “I have never felt more loved in my life.”

Share your comments, 9/11 thoughts or others in the comments below.

Click on the “Share This” link and forward this to all of your followers, friends and family and please subscribe to my RSS Channel.

Now go out there and start talking about me.

Last night I was sitting on the couch with the Prince of the MichaelAcord Dot Com empire; we just finished Shaq Vs when the promo for Jon Gossselin’s sit down with Good Morning America’s Chris Cuomo appeared.

Last I checked, I’m an American, I like a good train wreck so I stayed to watch “just a little bit.”

Whether you like the Gosselin’s or not, they are marketing geniuses.  Hear me out, you have 8 kids, your wife is a nag, your husband is a noodle.  She beats him down on the show, he takes it, the ratings go up, he snaps, she snaps and like magic, your getting paid to be on every magazine cover in the world.  Not just the US, the world.

I, who have no creativity tried to get my piece of the Gosselin’s cash by launching a failed clothing line called “I slept with John too” and a swim suit line tailored to “the other woman” called “my wife is a nag”

So as I struggle to find my place in the internet whore hall of fame, I tip my hat to those incredibly famous people who haven’t done a damn thing like;

Paris Hilton
Jon and Kate
Super Dell
Judge Bob
Carman Electra
The whole Kardashian Clan
Nick and Brook Hogan
The lead singer for the Porch Gouls
Jesse Jackson
Al Sharpton
Kimora Simmons

Just to name a few.

Share your comments, loves, hates or others in the comments below.

Click on the “Share This” link and forward this to all of your followers, friends and family and please subscribe to my RSS Channel.

Now go out there and start talking about me.